Have You Ever Heard A Death Rattle?



  • girl: babe come over
  • boy: I can't I'm having a threesome with an older couple
  • girl: my parents aren't home
  • boy: I know
Via Swarthy Villain

(Source: itscarts)





thebuttfuckingbelievers:

alt-j:

caseyaunthony:

i dont get this picture

obviously some sloppy fuck left their orange peels on the ground and Hillary Clinton happened to be skating by and slipped on them. Not to hard to understand. She still smilin doe

Hillary Clinton

(Source: nearlyvintage)


NEW RULES TO ADDRESSING ME AS A FAT PERSON

pardonmewhileipanic:

New Rules: 

1. FOOD: If you want to come at me about “how much I eat”, you need to provide an exact food diary of everything I ate in the past week, (not just what it was, but how much and when). Then you also need to provide at least 36 examples of thin people eating the same amounts/foods, and write a 10 page paper on why you don’t attack them, only me, and then provide 8 medically accurate and unbiased documents proving without a SHRED of doubt that these thin people eating the same amounts/things are as healthy/healthier than me.

2. HEALTH: if you want to come at me about my health/that I’m going to die, you need to provide me with full professional doctors papers, PhD and all, as well as MY individual health records, and at least 12 UNBIASED research papers done by reputable doctors (dr. phil does not count) 

3. APPEARANCE: If you want to come at me about how I look to you, I am going to need a minimum of 245 photos of you, from all angles, with/without make up/beards/whatever, and you’re going to need to explain in a 12 page paper, single space, size 8 font, what it is about YOU and YOUR LOOKS that gives you the right to judge anyone else. Remember, I said looks only. I don’t give a flying fuck if you once helped someone move to a new apartment, this isn’t about nicest personality, this is about looks as you made it clear in attacking me for it.

Finally, and this is the most important rule of all, 

4. WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THESE PAPERS, PHOTOS, AND FOOD DIARIES? 

I need you to follow the below diagram, before ever coming to me with any of the above 

image

Thank you. Have a nice day.

Via ZombieGrin

usingtimewisely:

I think about this joke a lot.

(Source: tiptons)


Via Ruined Childhood


(Source: flirtytwink)







christo-pho:

thatwetshirt:

Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.

I NEVER CAUGHT THE PARALLEL


Via



I’m feeling chatty and friendly.

Ask me stuff or just say Hey.



(Source: tittytittygangbang)



buildanewbeginning:

teashoesandhair:

dirkstriderbitch:

schweigie:

hiddenjumprope:

In an old house in Paris, all covered with vines, lived twelve little girls in two straight lines.

Things I never noticed till now: Madeline is brushing her teeth side to side.

madeline was a little rebel 

Madeline was a bad bitch

Madeline didn’t choose the thug life. The thug life chose Madeline.

You guys seriously just made my existence better.


11203
To Tumblr, Love PixelUnion